On this day...

I love when I look at Facebook and the "On This Day…." reminder comes up.  A familiar photo of a special time with family and friends, a post about the events of a fantastic day…but when October/November comes, those posts are often ones I would rather not remember. 

It was only three years ago when my Caeleb was in the hospital constantly.  Bleed after bleed, pain that would linger for days and days on end…the memories flood back.  Halloween decorations covering a sterile hospital room would mask what would be a very painful time of year for Caeleb.  But last night he took to the streets dressed as Darth Vader walking on his own, no wheelchair in sight.

My husband and I were talking about the Halloween nights we would take Caeleb trick or treating in his wheelchair and help him "hop" to the door.  We also remembered how we never really saw how steep the driveways in our neighborhood were until we had to use that wheelchair :)

It still amazes me how those times of living in crisis can come flooding back in an instant.  Sometimes it’s a smell that brings back those memories.  Other times it's a holiday or birthday when we reminisce and realize, "Oh yeah, we were in the hospital that year."

I have seen Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in my son.  For the longest time, after his long stints in the hospital were done, we would go into the clinic and his behavior would revert back to that of fear.  The scary part is that I have seen it in my husband and in myself as well.

I know that time heals and sometimes complacency helps, but when you live with a rare, chronic disorder, you just never know when something is going to happen and crisis mode begins.  I can either live in fear of the next crisis or live in gratitude that all is well.  I choose gratitude every time.