I love when I look
at Facebook and the "On This Day…." reminder comes up. A familiar photo of a special time with
family and friends, a post about the events of a fantastic day…but when
October/November comes, those posts are often ones I would rather not
remember.
It was only three
years ago when my Caeleb was in the hospital constantly. Bleed after bleed, pain that would linger for
days and days on end…the memories flood back.
Halloween decorations covering a sterile hospital room would mask what
would be a very painful time of year for Caeleb. But last night he took to the streets dressed
as Darth Vader walking on his own, no wheelchair in sight.
My husband and I
were talking about the Halloween nights we would take Caeleb trick or treating in
his wheelchair and help him "hop" to the door. We also remembered how we never really saw
how steep the driveways in our neighborhood were until we had to use that
wheelchair :)
It still amazes me
how those times of living in crisis can come flooding back in an instant. Sometimes it’s a smell that brings back those
memories. Other times it's a holiday or
birthday when we reminisce and realize, "Oh yeah, we were in the hospital
that year."
I have seen Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in
my son. For the longest time, after his
long stints in the hospital were done, we would go into the clinic and his
behavior would revert back to that of fear.
The scary part is that I have seen it in my husband and in myself as
well.
I know that time
heals and sometimes complacency helps, but when you live with a rare, chronic
disorder, you just never know when something is going to happen and crisis mode
begins. I can either live in fear of the next crisis or live in gratitude that all is well. I choose gratitude every time.
