Looking Back

When I look back at this picture knowing what I know now, it breaks my heart.  I couldn’t tell my "Christian" then what  I know now about how he would struggle and suffer with his hemophilia...that his journey would be filled with hospitals and pain.

Some people would even go so far as to say that I was irresponsible by bringing another child into the world with hemophilia...that I had my hands full with one child and another would be a mistake.

What I do know for sure is that my Christian is here on the planet for a reason.  He came to me ten years after his brother...ten years as I was an "older" mom.  His timing was perfect.  Actually it was God's timing.  Christian's struggles and pain are not without purpose.  He may be the next researcher to find a cure for cancer, or a Nobel Prize winner.  He could be a gifted teacher touching the lives of thousands of students or a musician writing music that touches peoples lives.  He could even be the example another young man with hemophilia needs to move on with their lives as they struggle in pain and wonder why they have been afflicted with this horrible disorder.

I have never doubted why my son is here.  What I struggle with is seeing his pain and not being able to take it away.  It destroys a part of me every time. 

 

But he is here to teach me how to love.